How do I explain homosexuality to my tweens and teens?
For some parents, this topic can be even harder to address than sex. It’s important that you pray for wisdom before entering this conversation, because sometimes our own fears or apprehension get passed onto our kids. As this conversation will look differently for each child, and as it will need to happen at all different ages, we’ll look at this in two sections.
Disclaimer: This discussion is by no means complete. Nor are we attempting to make sweeping statements, or pigeon-hole anyone. What we’ve written is based on years of research, talking to literally thousands of parents annually, and personal experience. We encourage you to pray over this issue and seek wisdom from God about how to have this conversation with your kids.
Kids 10 and older:
- Continue to affirm your child’s gender. Especially as their bodies start to develop, often it’s easy to become insecure, especially if your daughter develops earlier than most in her class. Let her know she is perfect the way God created her to be! For your sons and daughters, affirm the way they are growing – physically, spiritually, emotionally, etc. Don’t pass up opportunities when your children make good choices to praise them for it. If they make a decision that required maturity on their part, tell them “You are growing into the man [or woman] God made you to be. I’m proud of you!”
- This is an age when they’re starting to hear and see (or just become more aware) of all the world’s blatant sexual messages, which are in an increasingly pro-homosexual nature. It’s vital that you give them positive, appropriate information about the way God created sex. We strongly urge you to take your son or daughter away on a weekend getaway, using the resource Passport2Purity. This tremendous resource helps to establish a firm foundation in healthy sexual identities using Biblical values and solid research. We’ve heard countless testimonies from parents and teens alike who were forever changed by their weekend away.
- We too often teach them to hate (although we’d never use that word) anyone claiming to be homosexual. It’s important for our kids to realize that in 1 Timothy 1:10, it is not only speaking to those in a homosexual lifestyle; it’s also speaking to anyone sexually immoral (among others). You want to teach your children to view all sexual sin as wrong.
- Did you know there is a “gay Bible”? Especially if you have teens, they will need to be equipped with solid Biblical truth when they encounter perverted theology like this. What would your teen say if someone came to them and quoted scripture – in favor of homosexuality? We recommend Kay Arthur’s book, The Truth about Sex. It’s an inductive Bible study on sex related issues. It’s one of the best ways for you and your teen to be able to have truthful answers in any situation.
- Teach your children to empathize. The statistics of those living gay lifestyles who were abused as children, abandoned by their parents (especially dads), or severely bullied for their personality type or even their sense of style are enormous. Many choose to ‘try’ the gay lifestyle to cover up their intense pain. The gay community needs our love and prayer – but certainly not our judgement or hate.
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- Guardians of Purity by Julie Hiramine, offers tremendous help in giving you practical ways to affirm healthy sexuality and gender. (For parents with kids of all ages)
- What’s the Big Deal. Your child may not be ready for this whole book, but their parent/child question and answer format chapter titled “What is Gay” would be very helpful.
- Passport2Purity – the ultimate mom/daughter or father/son weekend getaway to cover sex from God’s perspective. (Ages 10-14).
- For girls and their changing body, check out our Beautifully Made Series. They explain body change and starting your period, all from a godly, gender-affirming perspective. We suggest doing this mom/daughter. (Ages 8-13)
- For boys and their changing body, we highly suggest Lintball Leo’s Not So Stupid Questions about Your Body. (Ages 8-12)
- The Truth about Sex – unless you’ve pre-read it, we don’t suggest just handing this book to your teen. Do it with them!
- Mom, Sex Is No Big Deal – Equipping moms to have honest, non-threatening conversations with their daughters about all things related to sexuality, including homosexuality.